Those 3 years

Hi Patrik

I am writing this letter to you because I have many things in heart which I want to share but I am not able to. Hope this doesn’t hurt you. I am very sorry for all this. Please forgive me.

Same city…Different colleges..Different stream..Two people…

I can trace five year back when we were best friends. We became so good friends within no time. All went so smooth. The journey was so good. I never realized that how it happened. It was our college time. You just gave me someone number and our number exchanged too. And then those endless chatting. I remember that 3rd lecture, what a boring lecture it was. Sitting apart I just disturbed with my miss calls. Continuous miss calls for the full one hour. Oh my god how silly it was.

And also once there was thunderstorm, we were chatting about ghost and all. So interesting talks , golden memories. We started talking so much that I never realized that we both are not together.  Just got habit now. It was quite obvious that will start with a good morning message (we did not have whatsapp that time!! ) from you. That time even if my phone was silent, I got to know if you called… Don’t know how… My friends know I am very bad at picking calls!!!!

Those late night chats..visiting places in chats.. …. J

Ah!! That half done lunch when you were teased by friends…Those fighting which were solved so easily.. Credit goes to mee!!! J

May it be lectures, may it be parties, may it be functions, May it be at home you were in my mind or my messages… When college ended, I had my internship in INTEL, Santa Clara. Going from Vatican city to a new place was so amazing. I knew you had to go to Suzuki,Japan for interns. Both were equally excited, but sad too. Had to leave our places and would be apart too. But I was so confident o my phone and internet. We finally aparted with many promises

But suddenly something happened. We started talking less… You started avoiding me or what I still don’t know. You stopped messaging me and just said you don’t have time. You stopped picking up my calls saying you are busy. I said “You can at least talk once a day, just 5 minutes..”. And you said “Is it necessary to talk daily. Once in a month is sufficient.” I had no words then. I don’t know I could not say you anything. I just said ok and kept the phone. I still want to know what had happened. At that time it was just start of my career and was lonely in a new place. I really needed you that time, but you were not. I still did not stop you calling, but I think you had decided to make a distance. I had no one then. Apart from this there were many other things going on. If I had taken the right step that time, I think I would not be here today. I passed my days crying and lonely. There was new crowd with me but I was not able to adjust. I was always quiet and still today I fear that my near ones will leave me someday. Its not that you never talked to me, but there was some difference, some distance. The blind trust I had was no more there. But for my every tough time today also you are the one who comes first, but second thought says I am strong enough to face it. I would never blame you for anything .It was my fault who could not handle the situation. You had to move on in life and you did. But to be very frank my life was almost still for a year or so. Today when I remember my college days, those Vatican days, smile comes automatically. I never regret that why did you come so close, if you had to throw me out of your life. But I would say thanks to you to make me so strong, to make be tough. I learnt that trust can’t be expected from everyone. Our phone calls were now once a month or two. I adjusted… I am a strong girl now.

And suddenly you came all over Japan to US for some official work. I was actually not at all excited to meet you, but still wanted to meet you. I was expecting that you yourself would initiate, and really you did. We met, and I did not realize that there was so much difference between us. Neither you discussed neither I wanted too. After so long I was truly happy. Again you went back with heavy heart, but this time I did not feel much. You had changed me a lot. The feelings were totally dead.

Your phone calls are so frequent today; maybe we are getting those days back. Sometimes when I am busy and not able to talk for few days, you say “Do you know we have not talked for 3 days..How could you do this?” I could not believe that you said this..Where were you when I needed you? Do you really care about me now? Or again one day will come you will just ignore me?  I had to go through a tough phase. I understand you may have some other priorities too, but there was no point just to throw me out. I am not a game to be played. Whenever you want you played and whenever not in mood you don’t care.

 And really, I don’t feel it. I am happy alone and don’t miss you any more. I still love to talk to you and till end you will remain my best friend. I have shared many secrets with you, many moments with you which I will never forget. I cherish those moments with you. These 5 five years, there has not been a single second when I have not remembered you. I still care a lot. But I don’t know exactly what happened... I know I am wrong here, but you made me this way. I will always be with you whenever you want. You are very important to me. But I can live alone now. I have also learned never to expect. But always give a try for what you want, otherwise the answer s always NO. If you get a yes you are happy and if not at least it does not hurt.

I have many new friends today, who were with me in my difficult times. Although many people just remember me in their tough times, but I am happy. But the only wrong thing is that I have lost the feeling for expectations. I have started living so alone that sometimes it becomes injustice to my friends. What all I am writing in this letter is all known by me. None of my friends know about you. I have never shown them whenever I was hurt. But today too I have full confidence just by seeing once you can make up my mood.

Today when you call, the excitement I had before is no longer there. Earlier how much sleepy am I, how much tired am I but if it was you, then it was only you. But now things are opposite. I love talking to you but priorities are changed now.

I don’t know how much I am correct. But you have made me stronger than necessary. Sometimes I myself feel to be stone hearted. I was not this way my friend.  Sometimes I want to enjoy a lot with my friends, but suddenly I have a fear that will it be long-lasting. I am not able to enjoy everything. I am always in fear. Then I say myself all will be busy one day and you will be alone, then why not today. But enjoy every moment with my friends. I don’t want to ruin their happiness who are happy with me. I love all of my friends and want to spend my left time with them. I will leave US within few months. One good news I am going to India now. Hope I meet you there too...
Anyways THREE years in US were awsum with all my dear ones.. Love you guys for being with me always.

 I always do what makes me happy. I help my friends in every way I can. Whenever they need I always stand for them. I will always stand for you too. You will always remain my best friend. Always stay happy. Sometimes I feel that there are many others friends too who know me better than you do. There are many people who are happy when I am happy. I cant deny this factor and will happily live just because of them. J

I would just like to say one thing...Ignorance hurts… Hope you never have to face it. All the best for your life. Always stay blessed dear. Hope whatever be the situation no one get hurt due to me..

Bye.. Will meet soon in India.

Your loving sweetheart

Tahai

The characters in this write-up are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental